grandlakegirl

So begins week 3. As of Sunday night, I was very proud of myself. I met my target of 6 days of cardio (30-45 mins) last week! Friday I missed the gym at lunch time, so I ran while my son was at football practice and yesterday I bought a pull behind trailer for a bicycle and pulled my 2 yr old up and down the crazy hills in my neighborhood. I made better choices, even over the weekend. One of my biggest weaknesses is “social eating”. It’s much easier for me to eat a salad and fix something else for my family, but when someone calls and says “hey, let’s go out to <insert fun unhealthy restaurant here>” I’m the first one to say “Ok!” then follows cocktails and before I know it I’ve blown my whole day. I seen the potential for this happening, so I had a low calorie healthy small meal early in the evening and made plans to meet friends a bit later. I was able to have a few drinks and still stayed under 1700 calories for the day (plus I had burned 450 that morning at the gym).

So, this morning I was feeling pretty good. Lunch time came around and I headed to the gym…155lbs! You have got to be kidding me. I’ve spent the last 2.5 weeks declining lunch invitations to go to the gym and nibbling on tasteless “healthier” alternatives while watching coworkers, friends, and families actually enjoy mealtimes for what? That’s 3 lbs heavier than I was last Thursday and 1 lb more than when I started (this time).  It is complete nonsense….losing weight, exercising, and eating more healthy has consumed my soul lately. It’s practically all I think about and talk about, in fact, I think I was at the gym in my dream last night.

Aside from the running and biking on the hills in my neighborhood, I haven’t done much strenghthtraining or other activities that would build muscle so I don’t believe it has anything to do with fat. Although, I do appreciate friends trying to make me feel better by chanting the mantra “muscle weighs more than fat”. I really do appreciate it, although that’s not exactly what I want to hear after the last couple of weeks. I have been pushing myself really hard, I just can’t believe my body is not responding!

Am I just genetically pre-destined to be the fat chick? Should I just give up, start eating fast food, drinking pop, and drinking alcohol a few nights a week. Sounds like a far more enjoyable lifestyle than the hell I’m putting myself through. I’m so close to going back to the phen….my biggest fear is that I’m finally starting to feel “normal” without it and what if I went back on it and it didn’t work then I’d have to come off of them again and go back to where I was a few weeks ago….

Grrr….

So I wish I had great news to report for week 2, unfortunately not so much. Last week was going really well, I was mindful of what I was eating and went to the gym everyday and really pushed it. I was able to lose almost 4 lbs by the end of the week.

Monday - 30 min/cardio 154lbs

Tuesday 32 min/Cardio

Wednesday 35 min/Cardio

Thursday 38 min/Cardio + 20 min swimming

Weight on Thurday = 151.75 lbs!

 Then came the weekend. We took the kids to Branson, Mo to go to Silver Dollar City and do some shopping at the outlet malls. I didn’t feel like I pigged out, plus we did a ton of walking. Sunday we were back home and went out on the boat, again I didn’t eat a lot but I did have several beers. I totally paid for it, Monday my weight was all the way back to…156 lbs!!!!

I realize that alot of the “swings” can be attributed to changes in water weight, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Monday I started back trying to make better meal choices. It is so frustrating because I feel like I’m an intelligent person and I’m not lazy, so why is it so easy for me to fall to temptation?! Yesterday was a little stressful at work, as a result I had a chocolate chip cookie in the morning and a bowl of ice cream in the afternoon! Who does that?? Then I beat myself up over the way my body looks….I’ve come so close to calling and getting an appt to get more phentermine this week.

I was able to go to the gym Monday and Wednesday, and as of yesterday I was back down to a little under 154lbs (still heavier than this time last week).

If anyone reads this and has any suggestion or advice, please send it my way. I’m really discouraged right now.

My name is Tiffany, and I’m a google-holic….I’m a firm believer that 90% of the problems I might have on any given day can be solved by simply typing a random phrase relative to the issue into google. Reason being, with over 6.7 billion people in the world (yep, googled that too) someone somewhere is bound to have or have had in the past a similar problem.
Which brings me to how I got here. 

I have spent virtually most of my adolescent and adult life in a gruesome weight battle. Growing up, my mother was morbidly obese and ultimately had gastric bypass surgery in 2004. I’ve never let myself get thar far, but I feel I have both genetic and learned lifestyle challenges that keep the needle on the scale bouncing up and down.  Constantly seeking motivation, one day I was off on a google rampage and stumbled upon this site. I don’t know if it is relatively new or if there are just truly people on here that are committed but it was refreshing to see people actively posting both successes and failures.  Another pastime I’ve participated in is watching weight loss v-logs on youtube. The problem is most post a few posts with some successes, then disappear into the sunset. Which ultimately leads me to believe the individual was not successful, hence having a discouraging effect on me.

So back to me and the point of this whole thing. As I mentioned, I have been battling the bulge for several years now. In high school and shortly thereafter, I was relatively athletic and participated in many sports. I wasn’t terribly miserable with my body, but at 5′3″ was likely easily classified as “chubby” usually weighing in around 140-145, wearing  a 9-ish in pants. I had my first child at age 20 and pregnancy ravaged my body. I gained over 60lbs and got so many stretchmarks, I’m surprised the discovery channel didn’t contact me. Needless to say, an unplanned pregnancy leading to the birth of my second child 13 months later did not help matters much. Lucky for me, 2 months later I was introduced to the “divorce diet”. The reality was that I had spent the last few years with a total loser, and finding myself a 21 year old single mother with 2 small children and only part of a college education. Now, it’s not a weight management technique I would recommend to anyone, but it did help me get closer to my “chubby” high school size. Weighing in around the 155 mark with the unwelcomed addition of flabby loose skin on my stretch mark clad tummy, that I often likened to the appearance of hamburger meat. Fast forward 3 years, after graduating college, moving to a bigger city, and getting engaged caused me to drop many of the healthier habits I had picked up in my single days.  Margaritas, dining out, and little time spent in the gym took me back up to my highest weight since my divorce at 172.

Then, I discovered the magic beans. About a year after the FDA ephedra ban, I was chatting with a girl at work and she told me about phentermine. She had told how she had lost 50 lbs and ordered them online. Well, I immediately marched right home and navigated to the website, broke out the credit card and I was on my way. A few days later I began my journey. The first few weeks was a little disappointing, but then one day it all started melting off. Within a few short months I discovered essentially a whole new life at 135 lbs. I had virtually never been smaller than a size 8 and I was easily slipping into 4’s (even a few size 2’s). I had always assumed I was mid-large framed, and I realized at this point I actually have a very small frame. Even after going off of the pills, I really didn’t gain much weight back until…you guessed it, baby number 3. It happened a little quicker, but my husband and I were definitely planning on one more child. Once again, I gained over 60lbs, topping the 200 mark before giving birth. That was in 2007, as of August 2009, I have been on phentermine for 17 out of the last 24 months and my weigh has been up and down like crazy. I’ve been as low as 135 and as high as 160. I’ve been hovering around the 150 (+/- 5 lbs) for the last several months. The pattern I’ve been in for at least the last year has been on phen, lose 10lbs in 6-7 wks and go off and gain it back in 2 weeks. It has become dramatically less effective, I have not been able to get back to that size 2. I realize “the number” isn’t everything, but for me it is directly correlated to my overall health and fitness. It is so easy to go to a weight doctor and get the medicine, but 2 weeks ago for the first time I feel like I had a doctor actual talk with me about my overall health and well-being. She fully acknowledged the benefit that phen can provide (and she actually gives it to some patients) but she spoke very frank with me in telling me that I really needed to go off of it for my long term health.
It was a realization for me, I have been truly dependent on this drug. It is going to be a long road, but I really want to commit to losing weight the healthy way. I know it’s going to be twice as hard, because I’m going to not only be trying to lose weight but I’m also going to be battling the side effects of coming off the phen that tend to cause weight gain.  I can’t promise that I won’t fall off the wagon, but I hope that I am able to continue to post even if it’s bad news. I really hope to be able to use this as a support system to help keep me accountable to my actions….

I’m not totally certain what my diet strategy is going to be.  I’ve tried pretty much everything…had some successes and some failures. I see pro’s and con’s of each. More recently I’ve been trying to make sure I’m getting enough dietary fiber, the trouble seems to be with many high fiber foods come sugars and high carbs.  I’ve also committed to try to do 6 days a week of cardio, at least for a few weeks. After a few weeks, I’d like to start adding back in some of the strength training. Having a full time job and 3 kids, 6 days will be tough but we’ll see! 

 I’ll post some before pictures later, but my starting weight as of Monday August 5th was 154lbs. I’m not going to measure  inches, not for now anyways.

So here’s to a healthier lifestyle!